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Coyote Comms: Guru Defends Guru (Neros Q) - Transcript
Note: The provided lines are taken directly from the script. It has a near perfect correlation to the video. Subscripts indicate the degree. :Lines marked Larry Bundy Jr0 are from Guru Larry's original video, "The Untold Rise and Fall Stories of Three YouTube Gaming Channels." :Lines marked Neros Q1 are from Neros Q's commentary on Guru Larry's video. :Lines marked SpaceGuru52 are from this commentary. (SpaceGuru5's Bi Star logo plays. Then, in a lengthy intro skit, a white van pulls into the CC Cemetery. SpaceGuru5, as Wile E. Coyote, and Zed are shown walking past a series of graves. The scene then shows Ren Höek kneeling before the grave of the Irate Gamer, with a tulip in a flower pot that he evidently had placed there. The scene then shows the white van driving off. A cover of Henry Purcell's "Funeral March" plays throughout the scene.) (The next scene shows the van's interior, with nothing but the sounds of driving and thunder in the background. SpaceGuru5 is in the driver's seat. Ren sits in the passenger's seat, wrapped in a large towel. Zed sits behind them. SpaceGuru5 notices Ren's forlorn expression.) SpaceGuru5. You alright, man? Ren. All this time, and everything has changed. SpaceGuru5. Yeah, lots of stuff has happened. Hopefully you’ve caught up with everything. Ren. For the most part, yes. I can’t believe it’s been so long. It’s...everything’s just so...foreign to me now... Zed. Well, at least you’ve decided to come back. We’ve got some work to do when we get home. Ren. Like what? SpaceGuru5. I’ve got a new video in store. I haven’t had time to work on it yet, but I’ll get to it once we get back. Ren. You’re not gonna ask me to do it, are you? I haven’t done a video since 2011! I’m out of practice, man! SpaceGuru5. No, I won’t use you right away. This next one will be calmer. However, I'll need you for future commentaries and videos, usually the ones where I want to convey anger. I'm sure you'll do the best job at that. Ren. Wait...you mean you haven’t been angry? SpaceGuru5. Well... (A clip of SpaceGuru5 shouting in his tri-op with Avalonian Sky and YBF91 plays.) SpaceGuru5. ...I just need someone who can do it more naturally. I’m not really one to shout. Zed. Yes, and neither am I. Ren. Oh, so that’s what this is about. You’re just gonna use me for one video and then never use me again, huh? SpaceGuru5. Of course not. I want you to be one of my regulars. I wouldn’t have asked you to come back if I didn’t need you. Ren. Oh... (There’s a temporary moment of silence.) Ren. So what’s the video gonna be about? SpaceGuru5. You’ll see once it’s done. Zed. You are sure of this one, yes? SpaceGuru5. I’m absolutely sure. Ren. It’s good to be back. (The scene ends as the van drives off, as the thunder and rainfall continue. The scene then fades out after a lightning crash.)The entire intro skit is meant to symbolize mourning over the past, reconciling with it, and trying to move on from it. This was one of SpaceGuru5's real life struggles throughout 2018. Zed represents the guide to the future, Ren represents someone struggling to reconcile with the past, and SpaceGuru5 represents the present. Zed walks behind SpaceGuru5 in the cemetery and sits behind him and Ren in the van. This is meant to imply that, while the future guides us forward, it's ultimately up to us to create our own destinies. Stylistically, the skit is a subtle nod to Stanley Kubrick; the music used in the cemetery was used in A Clockwork Orange, and the scene in the van has a centered view of the passengers, with all of them facing the viewers. (Intro sequence. The music from the Legal Video logo is heard here.) SpaceGuru52. Hey guys. SpaceGuru5 here, wishing a happy 2019 to all my friends and subscribers. It’s a new year, so why don’t we start it off with a commentary on a Neros Q video? That’s right. Right on New Year’s Day 2019, Neros Q decided to make a commentary on Guru Larry’s video talking about the Irate Gamer.These lines are reworded from his old commentary on sleek462, which was posted on January 1, 2013. Considering Neros’s previous reputation, I don’t expect too much good coming out of this video, but let’s hold out some hope anyway. As an early warning, I’m gonna end up skipping a lot of this video. You’ll see why once we get there. Anyway, with that out of the way, let’s tune in and start slicing away. No pun intended. Neros Q1. Before I even get to the Irate Gamer: Larry, you don’t seem to have a proper representation of yourself. (Sins: 1) Every video, you use this one still image. So what does that even give us to work with? You’re a guy that smiles a lot, does lists, and...is fat? Don’t get mad at me! I don’t know what else you’re like. I’d much rather know what your personality is. Is he nice? Is he... (The clip grows quieter and becomes blurred as SpaceGuru5 interjects here.) SpaceGuru52. Neros, why the hell are you making such a big deal out of this? You’re just nitpicking a small thing that has fuck all to do with the video you’re trying to tackle. Besides, people aren’t here to see Larry’s avatar; they’re here to hear him explain three YouTube gamers. Also, I highly doubt you sounding completely unenthused about your video could be a good representation of yourself. Come back when you finally have a good shot of espresso, because right now you sound like you’re bored. You must be a very riveting person to talk to, indeed. (The Neros Q clip fades out to show SpaceGuru5's background.) SpaceGuru52. Before I go on, I’ve just gotta mention this. Guru Larry himself actually commented on your video explaining his choice of using one image as a brief avatar, and it’s pretty much what I just stated it to be. So yeah, you’re really doing a bang-up job here. I bet the rest of this video will be just fine. After all, why would I be making a commentary about this? It’s not like I would make a commentary on this if this was a fucking bad video. Neros Q1. Now that that’s out of the way, on to the Irate Gamer. Larry Bundy Jr0. Was he any good? Well, he wasn’t the best. Let’s put it at that. Neros Q1. Personally, I wish you said I think he wasn’t the best, ‘cause that more easily lets your viewers know it’s an opinion and not a fact. And on a side note, to people who put a disclaimer in their videos about their statements being opinions, you know that doesn’t make everything you say an opinion, right? Sometimes, opinions are connected to statements that can be wrong, like saying “Birds suck, ‘cause none of them can fly.” The first part is an opinion, but it’s followed by evidence that can be easily proven wrong. (shows a bird flying away) If you love something, you should set it free. Now that’s an opinion. SpaceGuru52. Well, at least you didn’t choose a red herring as your example, because that’s exactly what this point of yours is. Look, dude, this is not the place to talk about the difference between facts and opinions. I’m pretty sure people who watch Larry’s videos can easily tell facts from opinions just fine. But hey, if condescending is your thing, why should I stop you, right? You should’ve saved this discussion for some other time, because honestly I think that’s a valid point. It just has the misfortune of being totally irrelevant here. And before anybody asks, I’m talking about his phrase, “to the people who put a disclaimer in their videos,” as in...the actual disclaimers before the video starts. Again, you have free range of stating this as I can agree with you on here, but this isn’t the place to put it since you’re just ranting about...disclaimers...while the previous point was about how Larry should have said, “I THINK he wasn’t the best.” You should probably re-word your point here so that it actually makes sense and connects to your point. You know, just a thought. Just a thought... Larry Bundy Jr0. Often criticized for his terrible research... Neros Q1. Larry, if you wanna talk about terrible research, check that script you wrote! (Sins: 2) All you showed of him was an image commenting saying the Sega Master System was made to compete with the NES. That actually is true, y’know. It was created as a contender in the 8-bit era... (The clip grows quieter and becomes blurred as SpaceGuru5 interjects here.) SpaceGuru52. I swear, it’s like you were just looking for any excuse to make Larry look like an idiot who has no idea what he’s talking about. You interrupted him mid-sentence to go on about something completely off the topic. Again. You know, maybe it’s not Larry who has the hate boner here. Ever think about that? Larry Bundy Jr0. ...irrelevant references, and hilariously incorrect pronunciations of practically everything that came out of his gob! Neros Q1. Okay, first, anyone can reference whatever they want, as long as it relates to the subject at hand. So let’s take a look at that clip you just showed us from the I Rate the ‘80s Episode 10: Colorforms. In this clip, Chris is looking at a 3D Thundercats Colorform. SO HOW IN THE WORLD IS SNARF POPPING OUT NOT RELEVANT?! (Sins: 4) How about you do some research? SpaceGuru52. At least that espresso finally kicked in. Sure, that clip might’ve been a bad example, but the Irate Gamer has made irrelevant references before. For example, his inclusion of the Eggplant Wizard from Kid Icarus (a platformer) in his review of Tetris and other NES puzzle games. (plays the relevant clip) I don’t wanna hear you complain about Larry’s supposed lack of research when you clearly didn’t do any yourself. Oh, and what was that about opinions being potentially based on false facts? Neros Q1. Next, incorrect pronunciations? Are you really making an argument that he sucks just because he says words wrong sometimes? (Sins: 6) If someone says a word or phrase wrong, it’s usually by accident! And heck, sometimes there’s even a cultural difference, like “tuh-MAH-toe” in the UK and “tuh-MAY-toe” in the US. And if you do want them to improve, is ridiculing them for it really helping? SpaceGuru52. Just to be clear, Larry’s not saying the Irate Gamer sucks because he occasionally mispronounced a few words. He’s just saying that he was often criticized—not ridiculed, criticized—for these mispronunciations, plus the references and the research. Maybe if you let him finish his sentence before making your interjections, you would’ve understood that more clearly. But, y'know, what's done is done. Larry Bundy Jr0. Case in point: Chris made such a terrible retrospective on the Magnavox Odyssey, it enraged the console’s creator (Ralph Baer) to get out of his deathbed to publicly state how ignorant Chris was. Neros Q1. (record scratch) Neros Q1's Text. Wait... Your case and point was supposed to be on Chris’ “irrelevant references and incorrect pronunciations.” (rewinds) Larry Bundy Jr0. (sped up) ...irrelevant references, and hilariously incorrect pronunciations of practically everything that came out of his gob! Case in point... Neros Q1's Text. So now you’re also inconsistent. (Sins: 8) SpaceGuru52. Hey, Neros. If you actually rewound all the way, you would’ve heard Larry say this: Larry Bundy Jr0. Often criticized for his terrible research... (in slow-mo and amplified) TERRIBLE RESEARCH SpaceGuru52. Oh, and, uh, what was that point about the Odyssey about? Oh, right! Chris doing terrible research. Good work, fuckface. Neros Q1. Do you even READ what you include in your video?! SpaceGuru52. Well, you don't read what you include in your video. Larry Bundy Jr0. If you can enrage a man so much that he’s prepared to defy the Grim Reaper to proclaim how crap you are, you must be bad! Neros Q1. Wait. Ralph Baer died in 2014. That email doesn’t give a year or date. Defy the Grim Reaper? You’re not really suggesting he came back from the dead, are you? That doesn’t even make sense! Are you joking? (sigh) Let me look in that email. (typing) So it looks like he took it from the Irate Gamer Sucks blog. Wow, such a creative name. So the email was posted Saturday, March 26, 2011, and Ralph Baer was around 90. So you mean the Irate Gamer’s video series The History of Video Games was so wrong it caused a dying old man to respond to him. Wouldn’t that call for the validity of this email in general? Most 90 year olds I’ve encountered can barely dial a phone, or remember their kids’ names. SpaceGuru52. You know what? We’ll get to that in a second. For now, just know that you’re reading way too deep into this joke and making a non-issue into an issue. Neros Q1. What proof do we have that this is even the real Ralph Baer? SpaceGuru52. Ah, it's very simple. Do note that URL at the bottom, www.ralphbaer.com. Now sure, if you go over there now and click his contact link, the URL doesn’t work. However, if you use the Wayback Machine and visit the site in—oh, I don't know. Some random date. Let’s say August 11, 2005. You know, something back then—you’ll find a button that takes you to his contact information. And lo and behold! There’s his email address. Oh, and, uh, what was the email address in that email again? (As the email address is emphasized, the "OH MY GOD" clip from Troll 2 plays.) It’s the same address as in the contact info! Therefore, this is incontrovertible evidence that Ralph Baer himself sent the email. Tell me again about how Larry is the one with bad research, oh so enlightened one. Larry Bundy Jr0. But Chris’s biggest criticism of all was his penchant of making videos almost identical to that of James Rolfe, aka the Angry Video Game Nerd. Neros Q1. You know what really ticks me off about this claim? SpaceGuru52's Text. That it’s true? Neros Q1. That it ignores all the other ripoffs of the AVGN! What about Caddicarus, Projared, PeanutButterGamer, Brutalmoose, AntDude, SpaceHamster, even JonTron? Those guys review both old and new video games, and can express extreme emotions towards said games! I’ve defended this idea many times now, but just because you can argue that a show might be a ripoff, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad show! (Sins: 10) SpaceGuru52. Well, dude, it’s not their fault that the AVGN was the most highly prolific game reviewer in his heyday. What really throws me for a loop is your claim that these people all ripped off the AVGN. So are you saying that someone making game reviews in a very angry fashion is automatically a ripoff of the AVGN? Well then, since you’re so concerned about ripoffs, maybe I should let you know that you’re a ripoff of Boomstick545 and Retsupurae. After all, they were the people who pioneered the CC and its style of commentary way back in 2008. In fact, it was Boomstick who popularized the tradition of cutaway segments to interject your own points. If you wanna get technical, the Amazing Atheist did these kinds of cutaways in 2007, even, so I guess you’re a ripoff of him, too. And hey, speaking of ripping off, where did you get that idea for your Commentary Sins? Hmm. It can’t possibly be from that hugely popular Cinema Sins channel! No, that would be scandalous, a complete blight on the CC! Seriously, man, this is pathetically weak for you to bring up. Just because something is derivative doesn’t mean it’s a ripoff. Derivation is a key part of creativity. How else would you, me, and every other commentator make videos? And to go back to what Larry was saying, people directly accused the Irate Gamer of being an AVGN ripoff because many of his early reviews featured references to AVGN’s behavior and catchphrases. Chris Bores himself claimed that this was because of an Out-Nerd the Nerd contest being held at the time, and there is a TV Tropes page corroborating this information. However, once all the controversy started, people overlooked this information for the sake of blind hatred. That’s what Larry was talking about here, buddy. Get a clue and put it in your goddamn handy dandy notebook. Neros Q1. But ignoring that, how about we find out why the Irate Gamer series even started in the first place. SpaceGuru52. Alright, I’m gonna have to stop you right there, before you serve me another red herring. I’ll just get this all out of the way right now. Larry’s video is meant to be a description of the Irate Gamer’s rise and fall. That is it. He’s not making any seditious remarks about him at all. He’s describing the reactions of many people towards him. He’s not even saying whether or not he agrees with any of it. Why are you acting like he does? You know, for someone who was so concerned about the difference between facts and opinions early on, you sure as hell confused both of them throughout most of this train wreck. What is the point of you being this harsh when it’s very clear that it’s for no reason? I really wanna know. I want an answer. This video has been replete with all this meaningless dribble, and you clearly only made this video to talk shit about Guru Larry. How am I supposed to take your points seriously when they have no point? There, now I can finally ignore all of your damn red herrings. You could open up a seafood restaurant with all that fish lying around, y’know. Larry Bundy Jr0. So, with all this in hand, how did the Irate Gamer become so popular back then? Well, to simply put it, it was indirectly because of the Angry Video Game Nerd. YouTube saw how popular James Rolfe was becoming on the site, but their biggest issue with him was in the rather colorful language. Sounding familiar, eh? Neros Q1. Wait! You’re saying that they wanted to feature Angry Video Game Nerd, but since his show had colorful language, they couldn’t, but they chose Irate Gamer to feature because he also had colorful language? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE! (Sins: 14) Larry Bundy Jr0. So they went looking for a less-sweary, more family-friendly alternative. Neros Q1. So now you’re saying he doesn’t have colorful language? Did you mean to say “I think YouTube wanted to feature someone like the AVGN, but they wanted someone who wasn’t as vulgar as him, so instead they went with the Irate Gamer?” SpaceGuru52. Yeah, that’s pretty much what he just said. He wasn’t being inconsistent about the Irate Gamer using profanity, unlike what you’re trying to claim here. I don’t see what’s so hard to understand about this. I know his British accent is noticeable, but come on. It’s not that hard for you to understand. Larry Bundy Jr0. And “less sweary” was literally YouTube’s choice of words, too. Neros Q1. (dramatic pause) SpaceGuru52. Oh, no. Don’t tell me you’re gonna take another one of Larry’s jokes too seriously. Neros Q1. What? Sir Edwin YouTube?! Founder of YouTube.com?! SpaceGuru52. Yep, you are. I’m genuinely not surprised. (SMPTE bars appear, leading to a skip card. The skip card features Ritchie Valens' "La Bamba" as the background music.) SpaceGuru52's Text. One sperging out moment later... Neros Q1. (ending montage of Guru Larry being ripped apart) SpaceGuru52. Okay, I’m just gonna stop this video right here. This is something I’ve always been bothered by. Why do you feel the need to depict violence like this? It just comes off as more standoffish and being more like an edgelord than anything else. And yeah, it’s absolutely unnecessary. If this was cartoon violence, like you happened to depict in the thumbnail for this video, then I wouldn’t care. However, the fact that you included sounds of blood and gore... SpaceGuru52's Text. And show Larry's mutilated corpse on the screen! SpaceGuru52. ...not to mention the fact that you have your character covered in Guru Larry's blood, really makes you seem like a violent asshole, even with that disclaimer you put in your video. I dunno where you got this idea of murdering characters from, but you really need to stop doing this if you want people to take you more seriously. Come on, you are not fucking El ChapoEl Chapo is the nickname of Joaquín Guzmán, a Mexican suspected drug lord and former leader of the Sinaloa Cartel. His criminal charges include murder, money laundering, drug trafficking, racketeering, and engagement in organized crime. SpaceGuru5 meant to emphasize the murder aspect.. That's the way this roadrunner runs. This video was just a mess. I mean, an absolute fucking mess. It was full of rambling nonsense, pointless tangents, and unwarranted hatred for Guru Larry, which is pretty ironic, considering you criticized him for supposedly hating the Irate Gamer. How about practice what you preach for once? And while you’re at it, try making a good commentary. The CC doesn’t need shit like thisA few people took issue with SpaceGuru5 for making these statements, seeing them as too harsh. In response, he has stated, "I know some of you will take issue with me sounding like a dick in this video, and I can understand why. However, it's kinda hard for me to be nice to someone who literally animates themselves mutilating their targets and showing their bloody corpses. That's just me, though. I dunno about you guys.". That’s about it for today, folks. I’m SpaceGuru5, and, as always, take care. For fuck’s sake, I better get a damn Purple Heart medal for this shit. (Outro sequence. A Flock of Seagulls' "Remember David" is heard here.) Notes Category:Transcripts